i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
