There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
