I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
