giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i think i have two assholes
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Randomize
