wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
the raccoons are back...
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