I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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