Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
