Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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