I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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