So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
