How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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