Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize