Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
