everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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