sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
