So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
