dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
