Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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