i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
