My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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