I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
