Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
