I seem to have left my pride at pride
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
