I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
