I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
