she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
