so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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