what if every blade of grass was a penis?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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