I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
