I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
