I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
