What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
