Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
