I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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