My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
