He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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