thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
