hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
