Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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