dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
