I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
