I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
