You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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