i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
