I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
