would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Randomize
