that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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