I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize