I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
