I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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