if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
