it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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