after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
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