Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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