I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
