You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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