I think im going to throw up on grandma
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
