dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
