What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
