i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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