Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Randomize
