All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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