is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Randomize
