The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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