I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
